my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
