So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
