the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
