You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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