Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
