Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
