whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
