she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
someone owes me an orgasm
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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