Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
