I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
