All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
