Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
