pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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