New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
