He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
