Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
