yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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