hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I forget how to act sober
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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