just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
