Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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