A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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