Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize