she woke up with a sticky ear
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
