also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize