let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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