btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
