I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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