I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
