This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How does one acquire holy water?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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