shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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