this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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