im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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