I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
