i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
