Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
