ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
