Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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