yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
