gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
