In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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