What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i think my cat just said my name.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
