Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
its not stalking. its research.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
