oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
