yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
