so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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