How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
