Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
