i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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