enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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