Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
