My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
