I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
