You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
