How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
