Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
