I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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