oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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