I feel like I'm in dance class right now
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
