Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
