you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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