I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize