well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
