Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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