Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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