How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
