I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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