Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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