YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
