goodnight i made you a song goodbye
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
