how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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