omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
